One of the most common myths about domestic violence is that alcohol and drugs are the root cause of abusive behavior. While substance use can escalate the severity of violence or make incidents more frequent, it’s crucial to understand that addiction and intoxication do not cause abuse. Abuse is a choice—rooted in a desire for power and control—not a side effect of substance use.
The Myth vs. The Reality
People often point to alcohol or drug use as the reason for violent outbursts, but research shows that many individuals who drink or use drugs do not engage in abusive behavior (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 2020). On the other hand, many people who are abusive don’t use substances. The common thread is that abuse does not equal substance use—and vice versa. Abusive tendencies stem from a deeply ingrained belief that they have the right to control their partner.
Why the Myth Persists
Blaming substances is convenient because it shifts responsibility away from the person abusing their partner. It creates a narrative where violence is seen as a loss of control, rather than a deliberate choice to dominate or intimidate someone. Society often buys into this narrative because it’s easier to believe that substance use is the problem rather than confronting the difficult truth: abusive behavior is rooted in attitudes and beliefs, not substances.
Substance Use as an Excuse
Abusers frequently use alcohol or drugs as a way to justify or minimize their actions. Survivors often hear statements like:
- “I wouldn’t have done that if I wasn’t drunk.”
- “It’s the drugs talking, not me.”
- “I didn’t know what I was doing.”
- “You know I only get like that when I’ve had too much to drink.”
These are attempts to deflect accountability. In reality, many people plan their abusive actions ahead of time, using substances as a convenient scapegoat when confronted. In fact, while some abusers use alcohol or drugs as an excuse, excessive substance use often highlights their recklessness rather than diminishing the severity of their actions. Instead of justifying violent behavior, intoxication can reveal the abuser’s capacity for harm. Substance use brings light to their dangerousness and recklessness, rather than minimizing the severity of their behavior.
Intent vs. Impact
Regardless of whether an abuser intended to cause harm while under the influence, the impact on the survivor remains the same. There is no excuse for abuse, as substance use does not minimize the pain or trauma experienced. Whether or not the abuser intended harm does not change the impact on the survivor. The trauma caused is just as real, regardless of intent.
Taking Back the Narrative
It’s essential to push back against the misconception that alcohol or drugs are to blame for abuse. When we perpetuate this myth, we inadvertently excuse harmful behavior and fail to hold abusers accountable. Instead, we must focus on challenging the power dynamics and entitlement that truly drive violent behavior. By doing so, we affirm that no level of intoxication justifies harm.
What Can You Do?
If you hear someone blaming violence on alcohol or drugs, take the opportunity to challenge that narrative. Educate yourself and others about the real root causes of abuse—power, control, and entitlement. Share resources and advocate for survivor-centered support services that address both domestic violence and substance use without conflating the two.
At RESPOND, we believe that every survivor deserves safety and dignity—regardless of the circumstances. We’re committed to breaking down harmful myths and providing support that centers on empowerment and accountability.
If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out to RESPOND’s Support Line (617) 623-5900 : Available 9AM-5PM, Monday through Friday.
